Words

So do you know that quote that says something to the effect of "nobody can hurt you unless you let them"?  Or how about "sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me"? Well guess what. I've decided that this is a false notion. This is great news for every female on the planet.

Psalm 59:7: "Listen to the filth that comes from their mouths; their words cut like swords."

Psalm 64:3: "They sharpen their tongues like swords and aim their bitter words like arrows."

These are just two examples, but enough for me to be convinced. This and a chapter from another Max Lucado book ("No Wonder They Call Him The Savior"). 

You see, I get it. I get that the purpose of the cliches I mentioned above were to make us think that we can just get past the crap people say to us. And we can....but GET PAST IT is different than the message that I got. What I heard when I was told these things was, "you're letting their words hurt you. It's your fault that you feel pain over what they have said. If you were a better person, you wouldn't even care about their words." But....honestly? I felt so free when I felt as though I had received permission to be hurt but hurtful words.

Now don't get me wrong here, I believe in getting over it, in moving past it, in taking it in stride. I'm not advocating weakness and a lack of respect for oneself, but I believe that the pain we feel from hurtful words is real. It's REAL! Words can totally hurt you, and it doesn't mean you're weak. So, I believe that if we can face the pain and move on its better than trying to be above the pain, or believing that pain means you're weak. 

This is going to be a ramble....

So I was watching some TV online, and a commercial came on for some Dove therapy conditioner. The dude was asking all these chicks how many hairs he thought they had on their head. One lady guessed "correctly" (aka, according to whomever estimated this) - which was 100,000. Then, the next chick was all, "How do you know, did you count them?" and I couldn't help but think it....God did (Matthew 10:30). 

God doesn't fit in a box. But, some people can understand that, and still talk about putting God in a box, and it can be okay. Other people (like me) wish that boxes for God didn't exist. Okay now let's be clear, I am, in no way, saying that whatever you want to believe can be what God is. Negative. So, I guess, God fits in His own box.... which is so not a box as humans could understand it. But, within the spiritual realm that Christians live in, we try to find boxes to put God into. Like, Baptist. Catholic. Presbyterian. "Non"-denominational. Nope. God doesn't fit into any of these boxes. Why? Because WE created them. We created all of the theological theories. God didn't say, "Hey, here's Calvinism. It's My box of choice." He didn't say, "The Bible is good, sure, but please go find a new way to view Me. My inspired words through My prophets and the gospel of My Son are insufficient to define me to your superior human brains." I think what He really said was, "You shall have no other gods before me" (Deuteronomy 5:7) and, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways" (Isaiah 55:8). So let's be careful! Can we ever be satisfied - or worse, bored - with God's Living Word? I think not. It scares me when I feel like churches are of higher importance in people's lives than God, or that theology is more important that Bible-ology. Can you get so advanced that its more about figuring it out to figure it out than praying God's will for your understanding? I think so. Something else He said, in Matthew 18, was that we are to be like children. Humble ourselves. Think about that. A child may keep asking "why? why? why?" but that child wont stop trusting his/her parents. They ask because they are curious, not because they doubt....and maybe no even because they feel some need to understand. Children trusted Jesus, they had the faith He wants from all of us. It's okay for us to wonder, but really we need to rely on God to reveal answers to us in His own time. It would be so easy to cross the line from curious child of God to scholar with a must-be-right complex. Should we need to understand God to love Him? To worship Him? To follow Him? No. We shouldn't. So, great. Let's learn all that we can. But our teacher should always be God - and our motivation, inspiration, reasons, should be out of love for God. It has nothing to do with us being right, or us finding the more perfect box to shove God into, or wasting precious worship time arguing about why this box doesn't work or that box doesn't work. 

Worst part? This isn't a solution, and why would I be "right" when I'm writing all of this in opposition to people who are much more knowledgeable about all of it than I am? But it doesn't matter. Right now, I love God. I love Him so much and I love His Son and I praise His name every chance I get for what He has been doing lately. And I don't want to step away from that position so that I can stress out about measuring up to whatever it is that I'm trying to measure up to. I don't want to measure up in my knowledge, or my good works, or my time spent with God each day. What I want is to sit back, bow my head, and let God lead the way. I want to take His hand and follow him, not run around looking for something I've already found. 

I really love talking about God, though, don't get me wrong. And I get a real intellectual kick out of talking about the complex theologies of boxes. But I question the motivations behind it sometimes. Of course in myself, but at the moment, I see the questionable motivations more clearly in other(s). 

Bumps in the road, Awesomeness, and Procrastination

So I can't even tell you how cool God is. Nope. Can't do it. Cooler than cool. God is awesome. Amazing. Wonderful. 

I don't know where the doubts come from, specifically. There are multitudes of places where they can just pop up and trip you. But it doesn't matter, they're there - and they trip you, and sometimes you fall, and sometimes you don't want to get up right away. Sometimes you keep walking but you can't stop thinking about that little rock you tripped over. Whatever. None of it is as important as keeping your eyes forward, on God. 

My dad isn't a Christian the way that my mom is. I've never really experienced a guy (my age) whose beliefs were passionate and strong and joyful. But, lately I've been experiencing that in my super dreamy boyfriend. Right now, what I'm cherishing so much about that, is that I can feel kind of blah, and he's gonna be my rock for my connection with the Rock. My human relationship with Tim is almost flawless (perfected in its flaws :) ) and God has just been "pruning our branches" lately, and its kind of awesome. Actually its 100% awesome. Anyway, so, there's a big difference between having girlfriends you can chat about God with, and the love of our life being will to talk about the Love of Life with you. To hear him get excited about Him, to hear him pray to Him and to hear the joy he feels and the difference He makes? Amazing. It's cool to see your friend do it, but it brings you to your knees to see your soul mate do it. 

So I don't know whats up with me right now, but I think its this awesome little sin called procrastination. I don't know where exactly it says that procrastination is a sin, but I'm pretty sure its not God encouraging me to be lazy....and I don't think its debatable that laziness isn't highly recommended by Jesus. So, I was praying after my bible study a few minutes ago and saying, "Lord, whatever this little annoying feeling is, can you take it away?" And since then, I've been hearing this voice, "get out of your house! Go to school. Work on your school work. Learn what I have to teach you about the talents I've given you. Get up, get dressed, and be in my world I gave to you instead of inside your little box of an apartment." So, the really cool thing about that is that God really cares about things like if and when you're doing your homework. And, its not a sign of some huge crazy terrible thing for me to be antsy because I'm refusing to DO anything. Sadly, I'm totally using this blog and probably also the bible study I just did as things to do instead of my homework, but I've obviously lost credibility on that excuse. 

"Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good.

His faithful love endures forever."

~ I Chronicles 16:34

FHL

The Lord's Day

God does awesome stuff. My doubt has been proven wrong, my prayers have been answered, Christ's strength has been revealed in my weakness. 

Today, I went to two church services. In the morning, Presbyterian. We had "The Lord's Supper." I really dug it because that is what we called it at the Baptist church I grew up in. A bit of irony for you? Tonight, at the Baptist church (new one, first time going), we took "Communion." Heh. 

What I thought was particularly awesome was how vaguely connected the two lessons seemed to be, but how crucial the binding thread was. In the morning, we talked about Job and Jesus and suffering. Evening, uncertainty. Uncertainty often leads to suffering, and the question "can you stay faithful and trusting when God seems to be nowhere?" Well, is this not a crucial question to the beginning of Job? It totally is!!! Wow. I love stuff like that. 

God is good. So, so good. 

Isaiah 40:31 (NLT):

"But those who trust in the LORD will fine new strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles. 

They will run and not grow weary.

They will walk and not faint."

Romans 8:28 (NIV):

"And we know that in everything God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

FHL

Is Anybody NOT Confused?

Ugh, today was kind of terrible. 

For the last several years, I have been some what of a troubled Christian. I have a friend who would win the "educated" and "dedicated" trophies. My mom would win the "Great Commission follwing" trophy, and plenty of others. For someone who is unsure of themselves and thinks everyone else's opinion must be better, it can really screw with your own development as a Christian when you have two role-models who don't always agree. 

On top of it, I spent 5 years in a relationship with someone who doesn't believe AT ALL. Sucks for someone who is in love with their faith. It scared me because it was so tough on me to be with him, and because some people were adamantly opposed to our dating, while others didn't seem to think it mattered. I don't know, and I don't care - I'm saved, he is out of my life, whatever. BUT, what other people thought about this boyfriend of mine affected my thoughts on my future boyfriends. 

So now I have one, and I'm not sure who's standard, exactly, he measures up to - or needs to measure up to. Today, I went a little nutso on him and was an enormously mean person because I was afraid he was telling me that he believed things that would take him out of the "approvable" category with some of my friend(s). Plus, I struggle with agreeing with myself if other people don't agree with me. Anyway it wasn't cool, but at the end of the day, the discussions resulted in each of us being closer to one another, closer to God as individuals, and closer to God as a couple. 

Which leaves me with my own problem: my own convictions. Sometimes I don't know which of my beliefs are mine and which are other people's that I've just adopted without questioning it. I have a bad habit of being a conformist, even AS a Christian, so that is like, super bad. God has a path in mind just for me, and I don't have to meet any one else's standards as a Christian, just God's. My salvation does NOT depend on what any human being things of me or my religious opinions. 

I think I need to do a combination of calming down and shaping up. 

FHL

Sundays in Texas

Last time I went to FUMC Denton, I was having a terrible attitude and I didn't really love it, which made me feel horribly guilty. This past weekend, however, I enjoyed it much more and felt like I learned about God and His Word.

Everyone is capable of adjusting: their lives, perspectives, goals... we just have to be open and prayerful (neither is worth much without the other one). 

God isn't confined to a church, and I need to remember that.

FHL

Bible Study!!!!

Wow, I am really excited! I went to Bible Study tonight and it was just amazing. 

Here is what we read:

The Transfiguration according to Matthew

So essentially, Jesus takes Peter, James, and John up on a mountain and while they are up there, Jesus is "transfigured", which basically means he was glowing. Alongside him are Moses and Elijah. There is a cloud, and God speaks from the cloud saying that He is well pleased with His son. Jesus then tells Peter, James, and John that they are not to speak of this event until after He has been raised from the dead. 

Things we talked about:

- There is a different time for each of us to come to understand certain things about God

- The accounts of the Transfiguration from Mark, Luke, and II Peter. 

- The Bible ≠ Science Textbook

- Literalness of the Bible

- Sitting with/in God's glory instead of analyzing or trying to figure it out or wanting to do something (title of coming sermon at the church: "Don't Just Do Something, Stand There!"

- Getting caught up in the mechanics instead of the worship

- Organized religion getting in the way of Christian spirituality

I feel really blessed to have been in the group tonight. It was very small (4 people) but really wonderful. It was clear that we all had hearts that belonged to Christ and were there to learn more about Him and His love for us. It felt really amazing. I really enjoyed the way that our discussion flowed (and was allowed to flow) and that we answered some general historical questions along the way. I feel like I've grown so much just from this short meeting and I am excited for the next one (in two weeks). 

I don't feel as fulfilled by sermons here in the NE as I did in Texas, but having Bible discussions like this make me feel that a sermon that is more like a launching point for thought would be okay, when the opportunity to go deeper in a small group is readily available. 

Additionally, I think I am going to start taking notes on the sermon in church. Not that sitting quietly, starring at the pastor, thinking about God and absorbing about 60% of what is said isn't awesome.....but I think the note taking would up the amount that I took away from a service. This Sunday, the sermon will be coming from back in Texas :) 

FHL