Is Anybody NOT Confused?

Ugh, today was kind of terrible. 

For the last several years, I have been some what of a troubled Christian. I have a friend who would win the "educated" and "dedicated" trophies. My mom would win the "Great Commission follwing" trophy, and plenty of others. For someone who is unsure of themselves and thinks everyone else's opinion must be better, it can really screw with your own development as a Christian when you have two role-models who don't always agree. 

On top of it, I spent 5 years in a relationship with someone who doesn't believe AT ALL. Sucks for someone who is in love with their faith. It scared me because it was so tough on me to be with him, and because some people were adamantly opposed to our dating, while others didn't seem to think it mattered. I don't know, and I don't care - I'm saved, he is out of my life, whatever. BUT, what other people thought about this boyfriend of mine affected my thoughts on my future boyfriends. 

So now I have one, and I'm not sure who's standard, exactly, he measures up to - or needs to measure up to. Today, I went a little nutso on him and was an enormously mean person because I was afraid he was telling me that he believed things that would take him out of the "approvable" category with some of my friend(s). Plus, I struggle with agreeing with myself if other people don't agree with me. Anyway it wasn't cool, but at the end of the day, the discussions resulted in each of us being closer to one another, closer to God as individuals, and closer to God as a couple. 

Which leaves me with my own problem: my own convictions. Sometimes I don't know which of my beliefs are mine and which are other people's that I've just adopted without questioning it. I have a bad habit of being a conformist, even AS a Christian, so that is like, super bad. God has a path in mind just for me, and I don't have to meet any one else's standards as a Christian, just God's. My salvation does NOT depend on what any human being things of me or my religious opinions. 

I think I need to do a combination of calming down and shaping up. 

FHL